There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
