that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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