You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
