taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
