I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
