things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
