somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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