Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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