I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
