i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
