she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
