i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
