You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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