well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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