Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
