we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
