if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
