I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
