about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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