I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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