The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
