who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
