who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
In America we eat man semen.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
