dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
