wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize