i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
