I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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