I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Randomize
