things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Randomize
