so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
