You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she peed on how many people?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
