Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it's like heaven, but drunker
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
