Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
