apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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