apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
