Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Come share oat with me in your robe
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
