So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
