But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
