Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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