The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize