I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Randomize