Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
