I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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