i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
