Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
