I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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