So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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