fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So vagazzling was a success
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
