hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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