he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
