just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
