So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
