we have officially lost it.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
