yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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