Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
