What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
