I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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