There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
