Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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