ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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