They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
