It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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