Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize