I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
