i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
