I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
