I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
