In the future we'll all be gay
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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