You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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