so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
