I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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