Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
