Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
