I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
