you traded sex for a burrito?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
