went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i love accidental penises.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
